Selenophilia

By Nethmi Dahanayake

Posted on June 1, 2024

Illustration title: The moon and the sun

Illustration by: Phuong

Medium: Digital

Size: 2360 pixels x 1640 pixels

Location: California

Year: 2024

I wasn't going crazy when I said I saw someone.

Though my eyes were closed, they were beaming with luminosity when I first saw them. Their eyes sparkled as I saw my reflection in their face.

Their hand seemed to intertwine with mine. In their spotlight I was protected, maybe even heldy chest rose and fell at that dream of being safe; being worthy of their affection.  Their cold breath brushed my shoulders, it swayed the trees and shrubs along with me. Shivers travelled down my spine, as their fingertips glazed my back.

I remember seeing another person, who was bright as well. They always warmed me with their embrace. They kept me from the cold as it formed a colour which was bright like them. Their bright yellow eyes looked over me constantly, ensuring I did things right.

When they had to go to sleep, another set of eyes coloured a greyish-white watched over me. It's crazy how different they both were. 

The yellow eyes never met the grey ones. They were not allowed to. However I still named them both. One being Yellow and the other being Grey. 

Yellow and I have lots of fun during the day. But when the sky turned a deep colour, Grey would join me at the lake. Grey and I would talk to each other for hours, until the sky became bright again. Even in the deep colour, Grey would still gleam bright with a vivid white shine against the pitch-black night sky. 

I felt my stomach fill with an overwhelming sensation. Whenever I’d talk to them, I would feel my cheeks flush into a red. Grey was my emotional support through the gloomy colours. They’d calm me with their amiable embrace, as I let hot tears run down my cold skin. 

I cannot hold Grey. I cannot close the gap between us, nor can I pull them close to me. 

It wasn't a dream, none of this was a dream.  But why can't I touch Grey? They seem so far away from me, but yet so colossal. The derealization was getting to me.

Just realise…

Just realise…

Just realise.

That's when I knew; they weren't people. 

Yellow was a shape. 

A huge sphere emitting hot energy towards me, the person.

But who was Grey? Grey wasn't a person either. 

Who did I fall in love with?

What did I fall in love with?

Tonight I finally let myself go. Letting water stream from my weary eyes, 

As I finally came to realise that I had selenophilia.

I fell in love with my friend;

My friend, that is the moon. 

[Writing Editor: RW]

[The End]