Oh to be here, and now

By Parmita

Posted on May 1, 2024

Illustration Title: Oh to be here, and now

Illustration by: Jocelyn Vasquez Camey

Medium: Digital

Size: 3331 pixels x 2383 pixels

Year: 2024

A love song plays in the background. With each strum of a guitar string and the base syncing with my heartbeat, he breathed out a heavy sigh. The song changes to an upbeat pop-rap song. A slight crevice of a smile can be seen on his face. I watch as the breeze rolls in through the window and plays with the little strands of his hair that have elegantly fallen on the side of his face. The urge to fiddle with it is enormous. He slowly fades away.

I adore these imaginations of mine. At this very moment, another one begins and I escape into the world I create for myself. It's safer than the one I reside in. Brightly filled with the scenes I’ve read in my favorite romance novels and heard in all of Taylor Swift’s songs. The clock has stopped working in my room. It no longer has the ability to break the walls of my preferred world. Eventually I came back to this one. Back to the responsibilities and promises that surround me, reminding me of their presence, but I never forget them.

 I’m calm, not in the way the ocean is before a tsunami but in the way the petals of my favorite flowers gently allow the air around them to guide their movements. I’m here. At this very moment, I am every person I was before and every person I'm yet to become. Soft smiles and reminiscing my favorite moments have become a daily routine, one for which I'm so eternally grateful for. 

My alarm rings, loud and blaring in its frequency but I ignore it as always. Stolen rays of light sneak into my room, reminding me that a day has begun and my nightly solace has ended. I open the windows slightly, only to be greeted with the overbearing smell of my neighbors scrambled eggs. A hummingbird hops on a branch below allowing me to revel in her magnificence. The patterns of her wings remind me of his favorite colors to paint in portraits of us. I decide to sit down on the floor, the cold hard marble tiles contrasting with my body’s heat and open my most beloved piece of matter on the planet, a gift he gave me. A tiny voice inside me reminds me it’s a school day and the harsh notes of my ringtone alert a call incoming. I’m sure it’s my best friend calling to tell me to get out of bed so I ignore it. My day, that I thought would go somewhat like I hoped, now relies a little too much on reality. 

Hope molds itself into fate. Dreams become desires that transform into thoughts. Thoughts become actions, ones I'm in control of. I believe in the universe and it believes in me. An unconscious deal, running parallelly together like two locks of hair coming together to form a braid. So different, yet form something so full of life. Oh to be here, and now. I’d remember this moment again. Be back here for a minute or two. Form another core memory. Bright yellow and blue. 

The imaginary world I create for myself is so much more peaceful than the one I reside in. Why can’t I be able to live in a cottage and not pay taxes to a government I don’t believe in? I wish my world was as easy to create as it was to build in my head. Maybe then, I’d like to stay awake.

[Writing Editor: Anonymous Contributor]

[The End]